Tonight I’ve felt peace. One in a very long while - recently.
It’s stemming mainly from the acceptance of things as they are. That I cannot change every outcome or perception; that what I have, is not the past ruined or lost but the gift of the present.
I lost the lot, some fairly, some not. I sought for people in my corner - some I feel should’ve forgiven, considering what they’ve known me for, longer. But that is all okay.
Tonight I’ve been happy in solitude, getting back in touch with good spirits, telling my true friends of how I appreciate them. I am smiling also at the lessons from people I loved dearly and helped, who still stabbed me in the back or ruined my name. I cannot begrudge them - for nothing is really a given in existence.
Tonight, I embrace and thank God for life. A lot may have been lost now, but there are better I can still do while I still have breath and I pray to make each day count - And to keep the one Angel who has stood with and by me against all the odds; the one who has loved me back to life - @Snowie. I doubt true love and forgiveness can get any better than this. I have walked with an Angel.
And above all, everything that has happened, has drawn me straight to the Father, for when I stood alone, He saved me. I attempted taking my life - but when I recall how the Doctor said, “despite the threat, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you now...”; I knew he saved me. Now when I say "I love you Lord", I know I do!
I have also importantly, learnt from my mistakes. About honesty, about discretion, about faithfulness. Nothing or no one or no goodwill is ever good enough to tamper with these virtues. A mistake - made by clearing up a mistake of cowardice with the biggest mistake of all, dishonesty. To a stone of my eternal shame, do I cast this bit of history. To the loving hearts I hurt, I pray you will find the strength to forgive me someday.
“Never the intent or thought to even a fly hurt; naught but a mistake. Errors in judgement and decisioning - and I’ll live life to prove this to you. Be it from close or from a distance.”
More so have I learnt, about the hearts of people. That the true measure of a person’s heart was when things went south. Whether they’d forgive or accept apologies or still go all the way to destroy you - counting not even one of the many good things you ever did for them. But showing you up as the one error you made - and nothing else.
I have learnt forgiveness is in Bars and Qabas rather than in Churches and Chapels.
I have learnt of how to stand watch to lose everything. Yet I have also learnt, of what it means to be held, to be loved, to be understood, to be forgiven, to be healed. I have through this all, seen some of the most beautiful hearts on Earth.
I learnt, that above all things, all we desperately seek from one another is simply to be understood and forgiven. These may be the most expensive things on Earth.
I have also learnt of who true friends are. They that smile to your face and rebuke in your face - and never change their opinions about you. They who give you room to grow, who forgive and grant second chances – accepting that we are all only human. The ones that believe your narrative. The ones who tell you – “you messed up this one real bad, and I am deeply hurt. Yet I count not just this only error, but also all the other good and I forgive you. Learn your lesson and do better next time. I am still on your Team. Nothing Changes."
Somehow, I feel and fear the sorrows will find me again at daybreak. But at least for now, I’m still grateful to God for tonight. I have lived. I have loved. I have learned.
@Snowie @Geo @Cherie @Sraks @Aduwaa
@CousinKwame @Pilato @Ella @MaLydia 💗
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